FAQ's From the Sexually Abused
So I decided to just put out there a couple of questions I get from my girls that I counsel and my answers!
Hopefully if you have had any of these feelings or questions, the answers will help shed some truth on the subject. :) If you have any other questions, email me at womanofchase@hotmail.com
Question: Hey, I have a question for you: Why do guys like me? Is it because I am bad? Because I don't understand why so many guys would like me and it makes me wonder if I am bad or something. I know this is a really weird question but I really want to know. so could you please try to answer? Thanks
Answer: It is totally a common feeling among women who have been sexually abused to believe that they are bad. Especially if it happened by more than one abuser. It is easy to believe that there is something inside of you that is evil that these abusers see and use to their advantage. But that is a lie of Satan. While yes, our hearts are desperately wicked to the point that we don't even see it, BUT we do not have a "abuse me because I want you to" lighted sign hanging above your head. Abuse happens because we live in a wicked world with sinful, selfish people.
Also, having been abused does not make you a "bad" person any more than someone breaking into your house and robbing from you makes you a bad person.
I believe that sexual abuse is something that Satan delights in because it is so easy to remove a person from God's truth and plant lies that take root and can ruin lives and relationships. It often renders Christians completely helpless and joyless.
In every situation, you must look at God's truth...what does He feel about the situation? How does He look at me? How does He feel about the abuser and the action? To assume that God is angry or disappointed in you, or to feel that He can't use you anymore is a LIE and you are buying into the package that ruins your life. You MUST MUST MUST be in your Bible, searching Him out and letting Him reveal His true nature to you.
Question: I also have a question I don't know how to ask and I have been wondering about for so long so here it goes. Um.....I belive in purity and saving yourself for marrige but what am I supposed to do when when someone asks me if I'm pure because I don't know what to say and I mean like if I'm ever going to get married what if my guy leaves me because I'm not perfect or something?
Answer: Well, it is one of those things where you didn't choose to give away any part of yourself. It was taken from you...because of that, you are pure. You still have a gift to give. :)
If you are with someone (dating or courting or whatever the case may be) and marriage starts to come up as a probability, you would have a discussion with him and tell him your story and see where it goes from there. I don't think I have ever had a guy ask me about my personal purity, usually the girl brings it up. ;)
And if he leaves you because you aren't perfect or because something like that happened to you, than he is definitely not the one for you...and feel sorry for his wife! :)
Definitely give him time to process though. Chase took a couple of days. Not because it made me any less in his sight...he just needed to process and get some advice. He does have to live with someone else's mistake too, that is just how sin is. In marriage you have two non-perfect, baggage carrying people becoming one non-perfect, baggage carrying person! But God is faithful! Those things are what God uses to draw you closer to Himself and each other. PLUS God gives so much grace to those who ask for it! :)
Here are some helpful verses: (If you need a Bible or aren't sure where to look these up, I LOVE www.esv.org ! Put the reference in the "Search the ESV Bible" box and enter! :)
Psalm 50:15
Psalm 20
Isaiah 46:9-11
Romans 8:28
Psalm 57:2
Psalm 9:10
Psalm 37:12-13
Hopefully if you have had any of these feelings or questions, the answers will help shed some truth on the subject. :) If you have any other questions, email me at womanofchase@hotmail.com
Question: Hey, I have a question for you: Why do guys like me? Is it because I am bad? Because I don't understand why so many guys would like me and it makes me wonder if I am bad or something. I know this is a really weird question but I really want to know. so could you please try to answer? Thanks
Answer: It is totally a common feeling among women who have been sexually abused to believe that they are bad. Especially if it happened by more than one abuser. It is easy to believe that there is something inside of you that is evil that these abusers see and use to their advantage. But that is a lie of Satan. While yes, our hearts are desperately wicked to the point that we don't even see it, BUT we do not have a "abuse me because I want you to" lighted sign hanging above your head. Abuse happens because we live in a wicked world with sinful, selfish people.
Also, having been abused does not make you a "bad" person any more than someone breaking into your house and robbing from you makes you a bad person.
I believe that sexual abuse is something that Satan delights in because it is so easy to remove a person from God's truth and plant lies that take root and can ruin lives and relationships. It often renders Christians completely helpless and joyless.
In every situation, you must look at God's truth...what does He feel about the situation? How does He look at me? How does He feel about the abuser and the action? To assume that God is angry or disappointed in you, or to feel that He can't use you anymore is a LIE and you are buying into the package that ruins your life. You MUST MUST MUST be in your Bible, searching Him out and letting Him reveal His true nature to you.
Question: I also have a question I don't know how to ask and I have been wondering about for so long so here it goes. Um.....I belive in purity and saving yourself for marrige but what am I supposed to do when when someone asks me if I'm pure because I don't know what to say and I mean like if I'm ever going to get married what if my guy leaves me because I'm not perfect or something?
Answer: Well, it is one of those things where you didn't choose to give away any part of yourself. It was taken from you...because of that, you are pure. You still have a gift to give. :)
If you are with someone (dating or courting or whatever the case may be) and marriage starts to come up as a probability, you would have a discussion with him and tell him your story and see where it goes from there. I don't think I have ever had a guy ask me about my personal purity, usually the girl brings it up. ;)
And if he leaves you because you aren't perfect or because something like that happened to you, than he is definitely not the one for you...and feel sorry for his wife! :)
Definitely give him time to process though. Chase took a couple of days. Not because it made me any less in his sight...he just needed to process and get some advice. He does have to live with someone else's mistake too, that is just how sin is. In marriage you have two non-perfect, baggage carrying people becoming one non-perfect, baggage carrying person! But God is faithful! Those things are what God uses to draw you closer to Himself and each other. PLUS God gives so much grace to those who ask for it! :)
Here are some helpful verses: (If you need a Bible or aren't sure where to look these up, I LOVE www.esv.org ! Put the reference in the "Search the ESV Bible" box and enter! :)
Psalm 50:15
Psalm 20
Isaiah 46:9-11
Romans 8:28
Psalm 57:2
Psalm 9:10
Psalm 37:12-13
Also, I don't know who came up with this, but I love it! If you have accepted Christ as your Savior, this is all true for you!
THE BELL
I KNOW WHO I AM
I am God's child (John 1:12)
I am Christ's friend (John 15:15 )
I am united with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price (1 Cor 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ. (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt 5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation ( Rom. 8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil 3:20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31 -34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor 5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom 8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor 1:21-22 )
I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8:28 )
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16 )
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12 )
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)
I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3).. I have been justified (Romans 5:1)
I am God's co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected. (Phil. 1: 5)
I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col 1:14). I have been adopted as God's child (Eph 1:5)
I belong to God
Do you know
Who you are?
And all these verses barely say anything compared to how many there of that describe our Lord's true Character! Get to looking!!! :)
Also, my favorite books to help with God's truth are Lies Young Women Believe by Nancy Leigh Demoss and Dannah Gresh; Lord, I Want to Know You by Kay Arthur; and Your Scars Are Beautiful to God by Sharon Jaynes.
I would love to pray for you or help in any way I can, let me know!