Many of (if not all) my friends know that I have been going down the hippie road for awhile. And while I like the crunchy lifestyle, it can be a bit polarizing and that isn't always good or necessary. Thankfully, I've found some companies that are for people in all walks of life yet produce products I can stand by 100% in all of my "non-toxic, all-natural, safe-for-you-and-the-earth" crunchiness. :D

I joined Young Living over a year ago and they have changed my life, my family and my home for the better! Essential oils truly are amazing and people use them in a ton of settings, from the home to the hospital. My team leaders are even veterinarians and use YLEO's in their practices! Coolness. <3 p="">


 FINALLY! Skin and makeup and gobs of other products that are safe to use and work fantastically!

I mentioned in a prior post about dealing with PTSD and well, some things have gotten considerably worse. There is a post coming about all of that too, but for now, just know that chemical anything treats me just horribly. Any kind of chemical smell makes me severely dizzy with a terrible headache and trouble breathing. Yucky yucky yucky. So my search became more important than ever for products that would do the job and not poison me (or my family for that matter!) Changing over to YL products and now AANT products literally makes me feel lighter and less burdened in my liver and kidney areas! There is just too much going on in my body and it isn't detoxing and cleansing itself well at all. (**Edited to add: I just watched this today and it is SUCH great info! These are my fabulous doctors. https://youtu.be/Kc5oZjQYx3U)
So obviously, YL and AANT for me are a godsend. And even when I get better and can detox myself without any help, I won't be going back. Why would I? I'm hooked. :)

My friend who introduced me to Ava Anderson Non-Toxic couldn't put ANYTHING on her skin without it causing major pain and goopy rashes and awfulness. Ava Anderson doesn't bother her at all! On the contrary, her skin is healing and looking young and radiant again!




Disclaimer: The information contained on this website is not meant to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.  The information represents what I, an Independent Distributor of Young Living Essential Oils, have chosen to do to take charge of my own personal health and that of my family.  Statements on this website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Products on this site are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. If you are pregnant, nursing, taking medication, or have a medical condition, consult your physician before using these products.

I know...this is only part one. But I felt like to really grasp HOW AMAZING this birth was you had to know everything that went into it and there is a bit of background.

This pregnancy was uneventful and crazy, peaceful and stressful, wonderful and difficult! Much like parenting I suppose!
We had just hopped into missions from the youth pastorate and moved our belongings into storage in Colorado Springs. We moved our family into a 30 foot long travel trailer and began traveling as we raised support for our new ministry position. We were advised to not have more babies, especially while raising financial support because many people do not agree with large, growing families and we agreed that while that is not necessarily a biblical mindset, it is probably a common one and we should wait for awhile and see how the Lord would lead later-after we were settled-in a house-and fully supported. Looking back I am embarrassed at my lack of faith and am glad God gives us what we need many times in spite of us.

So we were just living life and fundraising and praying.
And then I was late. And I could smell everything. And I had morning sickness. And we knew.

I actually never took a test, just watched my belly grow!

While we are always excited about a baby, this news was hard to wrap our minds around. We were still adjusting to life in 240 square feet and mostly we were worried about how everyone would respond. (Again-what a lack of faith! Who cares what people think about what the Lord has brought about?)
We were thankful though for an outpouring of love and support from everyone.

So life went on, and surprisingly I was pretty chill about the whole thing. We traveled from one place to another. Living with family or in our travel trailer or with the Cook's since we started in July last year.

God worked it out that I was in a house during the worst of the morning sickness...throwing up in a tiny trailer bathroom and tiny trailer toilet is so not easy.

He provided an amazing house in a community that loves us while Chase went to India so I wouldn't have to worry about everything that comes with living in a travel trailer...while pregnant...with four kids...in the winter. ;) Seriously, God takes good care of me. :)

I went to a few different midwives here and there for check-ups and our ultrasound during our travels, always hoping that we would be back in Colorado living in a home by the time the baby came and that we would figure out our birth plans when we moved back.




But then...week 32 came, Chase was leaving for India for 16 days and we were not living in a house in Colorado any time soon.
All of the sudden it hit us...soooo....this super cute baby is coming! What are we going to do? Where are we going to have this baby?

We decided to consider and pray about it and decide when Chase got back from India.

Zoey loving on "her baby" and my very weird belly button.

~~~~~~~~~
If you know me at all, you know I have had some traumatic experiences when it comes to being a girl and also having babies, (just click on the "childbirth" label on the sidebar to read more about that.) So a safe, birth where I call the shots is very important to me. I research a LOT on find a care provider I can trust.

Now if remember my last birth, you know I had a great experience aside from some hemorrhaging after labor that was REALLY painful to get under control even with using drugs. (I literally begged them to let me die. And I was even holding my new amazing baby. It hurt that badly.) I was sore for weeks and it really took away from what was otherwise a really great birth experience! (By the way, the hemorrhage was no one's fault-just one of those things.) My midwife told me that based on my previous births and now this one it looked like I had uterine atony. My understanding is that that usually means the uterus is basically worn out after the baby comes and it won't contract anymore to shrink the uterus back down and so you bleed.
Sometimes it is also complicated by removing the placenta before it has detached and causes more complications. There are also other factors that can cause hemorrhaging obviously, but uterine atony seems to be mine.

Uterine atony can also hamper going into labor which is also an issue for me. While I believe my body is meant to go over 40 weeks, it is really really really hard to get contractions started and have them dilate me.

So. Knowing this about myself and wanting to avoid torture before and after labor I started reading and researching and reading more. I read about uterine atony, postpartum hemorrhaging, what the causes were, how to prevent them, etc. I read medical studies and what mainstream medicine says and what 40 page long forums of women talking about their experiences and what dr's and midwives did for them.

I found out that I love learning about this stuff. Haha! Once I embraced my role of being a woman and working with the body God gave me, a whole new world opened up!  My Mom-in-love totally called it: we are looking into me eventually becoming a professional doula...*maybe* someday a mid-wife. We will see how the Lord leads.

Anyway, I think I will blog about that side of all this later-what I learned about causes, prevention and even healing. In my case, (and this is just based on my research. I am not trained or anything.) I believe my uterine atony is caused by an excessive amount of amniotic fluid, (always have a crazy amount that leaves the provider saying, "No wonder you were so big! You are all water!") a large baby, and then several pregnancies with no "uterine therapy" (I like to say) being done in between. It is just a lot of stress on an organ that is incredible but "human." :)

I will also say that many, many women are experiencing uterine atony after being induced with cytotec for their first birth and believe there may be a connection between that and never being able to go into labor naturally after that. It could totally be coincidental, but you may want to keep that in mind yourself. (Cytotec and pitocin were not made for labor induction, nor is that to be their primary purpose...sidenote.) I was given cytotec to induce my first birth but I don't believe it is the reason I don't start labor naturally. I say that because when my water breaks and all that pressure is relieved, my uterus hops into action and does just fine.

So that is what I decided- I would throw everything and the kitchen sink at my uterus and pray it would kick into gear on it's own or have my water break on it's own, but also recognize that labor very well may not happen until my water breaks so I need to throw everything at that to dilate enough to have my water broken if need be. My water had never broken on it's own before.

So I collected herbs and oils and date fruits (I will blog more specifically about what I used and why) and waited until it was safe and encouraged to use each thing and then went after it!

  I nourished my body in this way as best I could and prayyyyyyed my body would cooperate. I prayed to go into labor myself and not to hemorrhage again.

The other big part of this story is Hypnobabies. Many of you have heard or seen me carry on about the documentary, "The Business of Being Born." Totally phenomenal-every woman should watch it. It is wonderful. In it, a couple of the moms interviewed mentioned Hypnobabies and the first time I watched it, not long after Evan was born, I immediately blew it off because it sounded New Age and like hokum. ;) I continued to blow it off through Zoey's pregnancy and it wasn't until I was pregnant with Phoebe that I heard Christian friends had used it and had 100% pain-free births! So yes, it piqued my interest enough to decide to at least look into it and actually make an informed decision. (Ha!)

What I found was really interesting. "Hypno-anesthesia" is a real, medical thing. Doctors use hypnotic anesthesia on patients requiring surgery that are lethally allergic to anesthesia. They train their patients to use hypno-anesthesia to anesthetize themselves for surgery! No one "hypnotizes" you and it is unlike anything you have seen on tv. It is a choice you make for yourself and actually anesthetizes you. Crazy cool! Totally makes sense to use it during labor, right?
Hypnobabies not only teaches you how to anesthetize yourself but also to look at birth without fear. The classes and reading material (which I didn't get to use) also reinforce the re-training of your mind in how you view birth. We are inundated with horror stories from well-meaning people and faulty information and images from media.
(Watch "A Baby Story" anyone??? Don't.) Hypnobabies teaches you to trust your body and the process. They are definitely not a homebirth or granola type thing. Most women use Hypnobabies in the hospital with their OB. HB doesn't care where or how you have your baby-just that you are at peace and well-informed about the birth process and comfortable in whatever situation you choose.

I also talked to my Christian friends (that I felt confident in their spiritual discretion) about their experiences and why it was "safe" and how it aligned with Christianity and the Bible. I really appreciated my friend Emily who shared that Hypnobabies teaches you to think about birth the way we are to think about anything: "Whatever is true, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report, praiseworthy..."  and if I could go into birth trusting the Lord and not fearful for His plan for me than wouldn't that be the spiritual thing to do?
I started listening to the tracks shared with me and still waited to hear something major that would make it all turn out to be voodoo I shouldn't mess with but really, the only thing I disagreed with was one of the "birthing affirmations" that says, "I deserve an easy and comfortable birthing." I believe the Bible teaches that we deserve only hell. God is good to give us anything more than that-not to mention redemption of sin and punishment!!! So when that line was said, I always mentally changed it to "I can have an easy and comfortable birthing."

Hypnobabies is cool in that it is totally non-religious but you can make it religious yourself if you choose. It is great to learn to be more peaceful in stressful circumstances and even better if you focus on the Prince of Peace to do so. So I added in favorite verses on peace or depending on the Lord and the other verses I like to use while preparing for and during birth. The program uses the cue-word "peace" as a word you learn to use when you need immediate, complete relaxation physically, mentally and emotionally. During that training track I changed it to "Prince Of Peace," one of my favorite names of God and the picture of Him I lean on the most. Again, I used the verses that describe Him as such and used them to remind me of Who HE is and thus that I am safe and secure regardless of the circumstances. I hate to use the word meditate in the same paragraph as "hypno" (haha!) but my Prince of Peace cue word led into Bible meditation and thankfulness for Who He is.

Kind of funny, during those times of practicing the "hypnosis" and choosing to see Him in those moments of stressfulness or pain I would start to picture myself in His arms but always decided that was a little too touchy-feely and I wanted to just picture Him there next to me. Giant in my mind, but there, a perfect vision of everything every verse says about what it is to be Peace and Safety...but not holding me...just standing there in case I really needed Him. Haha! I will talk about that more later....

So I used my HB listening tracks and practiced and worried that I wasn't practicing enough or didn't know well enough what I was doing since I couldn't go to class or read the material. I watched videos on YouTube of HB births and some of an HB instructor and learned tips from her and still I worried it wasn't going to work and it would all be for nothing.

I just prayed that He would give me strength and peace for whatever kind of birth He chose for me if He decided an "easy, comfortable HB birth" wasn't for me. But yeah, I also prayed for an easy, comfortable, pain-free birth. 

My other big thing was waterbirth! I have been wanting a waterbirth since my very first pregnancy and have never gotten one. It is probably the first "crunchy/granola/natural" thing I had ever embraced. For some reason being in the water is my very favorite thing- seriously even soaking my feet is just the best! I live for warm showers and baths and thank the Lord regularly that I live in a country where I can take them for granted. I LOVE swimming (as long as there is no threat of sharks...or snakes or anything else that will eat you...worrying about that really messes up the experience. ;) and just being around water. My top two camping experiences were ones where we camped next to running water- once the ocean in Del Mar and the other by this beautiful stream in the mountains of Colorado. Oh so the best!

Anyhow, I think you know what I mean when I say I love water. So the idea of a waterbirth (and hearing gobs of stories from women who all said you should never birth any other way) just made sense to me. Plus it is less painful, easier on baby and your body, blah blah blah WATER BIRTH.
And yet four babies and I still had never had one. In the hospital with the first three births I was allowed to labor in the water but not deliver in there. I am always an easy going, total push-over patient. I hate to feel like I am being a pain or in anyone's way, and that is amplified when I am the one that is supposed to be cared for. I just feel like I am being needy or something. Anyway...that does not apply when it comes to being in the water. The nurses would come and literally drag me out as I whined and carried on and asked how long I had to wait before they would let me get back in. I would turn into a total baby. Being able to labor in the tub was awesome but I never got to deliver in there like I wanted...even "accidentally." ;)

We were all set-up with Zoey-I was having my waterbirth!!!! And then the poop hit the fan...kind of. I already blogged that birth story! ;) Read that story here!
So no...once again I was able to labor in the water but that was it.

So again we planned and prepped for a waterbirth and I prayyyyyyed for a waterbirth. 

The other things that were important to me that I prayed for:

-to make it to the clinic for one thing...because otherwise no waterbirth. (lol!)
-to make it with time to fill the tub...because otherwise no waterbirth.
-that we wouldn't have to use castor oil and if we did it wouldn't mess up....my waterbirth. (Seriously, I have a problem.)
-that even if it wasn't the pain-free birth I was working on and hoping for, that it would be a better example to my kids of what having a baby can be and that birth doesn't have to be scary and awful
-that it would be a good time for both my family and for my fabulous midwife Kathleen and her team. (Seriously, I don't like to be an imposition.)

So that is pretty much what my pregnancy consisted of...lots of research, worrying....and then prayer.
Also...getting super excited about a baby!!! There was that too, of course!

~~~~~
After Chase got back from India we decided to go back to Texas. I was 34 weeks pregnant at that point and we had had friends offer up a spot and hookups for the trailer if we needed them. We took them up on their generous offer and headed that way. I made an appointment with my midwife from before and made arrangements to use the Bella Births Birthing Center there in McKinney, Texas. Even though Kathleen was booked solid she so graciously made room for me and my birth. We picked up where we left off immediately. I just love her to pieces!

The other great thing about being in McKinney was I got to go see the world's best chiropractor, Dr. Bo Brantley. I tend to have a LOT of hip and pelvic pain during pregnancy and Dr. Bo knows how to fix it! Plus even better I love that he has lots of pregnancy and birth experience from his family and was a huge source of peace and encouragement to me. And even better than THAT, he prays over me and baby during adjustments. He is fabulous.

There in McKinney we have dear church friends and my fabulous Aunt Lisa and her wonderful family! So it was great to see and visit them while we were there! We visited churches galore and Chase worked a couple of different jobs during our time there as well as met with Pastors during the week. Our two favorite churches that we visited were Frisco Bible Church and Imago Dei -in case you live in that area and are church hunting. :)

My Aunt also threw me a surprise gift card shower that knocked my socks off!!! So many of her friends gave just knowing we were Lisa's and were in missions!!! The sweetest thing ever! We were also spoiled by friends there too! We are just so blessed by so many people in our lives. :)

Back to birth story...Week 40 came and went...and week 41...and I was obviously annoyed. I had really wanted her born in April. Preferably April 22 which was my Great Grandpa Joe's birthday AND Chase's Great Grandma Dot's birthday.
But no...we just waited-and took a lot of selfies. LOL

And I got bigger and more miserable and my family grew scared of me for reasons I did not understand. Strangers went from annoyingly telling me how huge I was and "Don't have that baby here!" And "Are you sure there is only one in there?"to avoiding eye contact completely and hiding their kids behind them as I waddled by. I must've been a tad grouchy.

We did everything from herbal tinctures that work 95% of the time to acupressure to walking to climbing stairs two at a time sideways. I did baby spinning techniques and the Miles Circuit to help her drop (and they did!) I used essential oils to turn her around into position and to start contractions but nothing. We even did the dreaded castor oil that I swore I would never do again. Nothing.
I would have contractions get to two minutes apart for a half hour and then nothing. I really believed labor wouldn't start until my water broke because of the uterine atony but I wasn't even dilating enough to have my water broken! This baby was not ready.

Now here is a topic I never saw myself writing about!

But here we are-baby number four turns one year old on Sunday!!! And yayyyyy! We actually breastfed for twelve months! We hit the goal! I am so. excited. about. this! Not only did we hit the goal but....we aren't stopping yet. I know! As crunchy as I can be I have never been super passionate about breastfeeding. Just haven't. But here we are and baby is not ready to stop and while most days I *am* she clearly isn't. And that is ok. I have done a *bunch* of reading on the topic and feel better and better about it. The hard part actually has been what other people think about it. Unfortunately the American majority for myriad reasons  is grossed out by breastfeeding. I think it is especially sad for the Christian culture that should recognize that God created women to breastfeed their babies and that it is healthy, nourishing and part of His plan.

**Before I go any further though I should point out that while I am about to get soap-boxey up in here (gosh, my blog has been like that lately!) I am NOT judging formula feeding mothers. My first three babies were all formula fed at some point! My beef is not with you mothers, rather the culture that does not value God's order, the companies that look to profit, the hospitals, doctors and stores that throw formula at you at every turn and generally don't encourage bfing and the society that has gone so far down this road of packaged, processed food that we think formula is just as good as breast milk. And I will say also that there are legitimate reasons for not being able to bfeed. Again, I am not trying to shame any mothers. Just encourage and inform and hopefully change our culture and churches in this area. I hope before you stop you would seek help with a Le Leche League Professional-there may be a very easy fix to the problem you are having! And if not, I hope you will research commercial formulas and homemade formulas both. :) **



Anyhow, there are a bajillion misconceptions about breastfeeding  (is it sexual? is it necessary past the first few months? why not just use formula? etc) Until rather recently, I used to think several of them myself!
I think this article explains away many of them quite nicely! Check it out!


And this article is about the science of breast milk  It is AMAZING! The things they are finding about breast milk and allllll the things that are still a mystery to us are phenomenal! The author credits evolution rather consistently which is why I haven't shared it on facebook but I find it stunning how God created my body to make such a miraculous substance in such a miraculous way! It is just so cool!


My mom and aunt have always been staunch breast feeders when their own generation had widely dismissed it. Even still with their examples and encouragement I got caught up in the culture that has declared breastfeeding to be weird and unnecessary. I started out breastfeeding each of my kids believing it to be the best way, but until baby number four it didn't last very long.

With my first two daughters, before I had gone through my counseling and healing and such I *hated* breastfeeding. HATED it. It felt rather like I was being sexually abused all over again. I should clarify that what made me feel like that was the feeling of no control over my body, and that my body was being used whether I liked it or not apart from me, a person. NOT because of anything actually sexual. Since there is really *nothing* sexual about breastfeeding. (If you will remember, your primary sexual organs also have other jobs that are certainly not sexual. Same idea applies to breastfeeding. ;) Bfing my first lasted only three-four months because I got pregnant with number two and didn't know it. Bfing that sweet baby lasted a month or so more but I really hated it for most of that time. Bfing number three (after the counseling and such) I LOVED!!! I just loved it! I loved having an excuse to cuddle my sweet son and do nothing else. I loved how happy it made him and I loved the ease compared to bottles and formula and heating and carrying it everywhere, etc. But then we got thrush. And we passed it back and forth from his mouth to my bosoms (as we rather mockingly refer to them in my house ;) and WOW does that hurt. We tried allll kinds of things from what the doctor gave us to the limited crunchy remedies I could find and nothing worked permanently. We very sadly switched to formula after several months.

I wish I would have known what I know now about how the birth experience affects breastfeeding! I wish I would have asked for more help and support from my breastfeeding friends and family and I wish I would have been supported by the medical professionals we saw, the community in general and especially Christendom. :)

Check out this article on bfing and Judaism! The Jewish laws regarding bfing are really interesting and again, I wish Christianity would take it this seriously and recognize it as something so special.

A Tale of Two Rooms:
In the past few months I have been in a couple of different churches. Two of them had "nursing rooms" which I thought was cool. It is definitely nice to have a place to take baby when she is noisy or not feeling well or like the case of my baby currently, gets very impatient while I am getting ready to nurse and she gets rowdy which is distracting for the others around us. Anyhow, I explored both rooms and felt they were quite different. One room made me feel like they valued nursing mothers with everything in the room from the really comfy rockers to the decorations, to the lighting, to the changing table in there, to the tv that displayed what was happening in the service so the mother could still take part. I LOVED this room that was so comfy and peaceful and honestly never wanted to leave.
The other room made me feel as though that church was ashamed of their nursing mothers. Truly. From the furnishings, to the well...everything else, it seemed like this room was a corner for mothers to be shamed and not allowed to participate in the service. Now I really believe this is not their intent! And again, I think it is great that a room is even there if a mom needs one. But I sure did not use that room when I was there.

We need Christianity at least to get back to the fact that breastfeeding is normal. Kids should not have to ask what that mom is doing with their baby, they should know because it should be that normal. Christian men and women should not be offended by breastfeeding because it is how God created women to provide for their baby. Just because the culture oversexualizes everything doesn't mean we have to, right? Isn't that one of the major callings of the  Christian life? Being different than the culture? Doing things the way God created us to? Now, I should clarify here that I am not advocating for uncovered bfing in public. Men are visual and prefer breasts sexually. Since we don't (or shouldn't) show them off when we aren't bfing we also shouldn't simply because a baby is attached. I understand a little of men's struggle with lust and don't want to cause any men in my life to stumble. :) When I am with a woman or two, I take less care to cover...because really we all have the same parts and even then, I don't let anything just hang out. These fabulous bosoms belong to Chase. For the rest. of. his. life. lol. For some reason that makes me laugh. ;)



Breastfeeding for me, like so many other parts of motherhood, is a serious exercise in selflessness. Sure, there are parts I enjoy and will miss when she is no longer nursing. But many times, it is work.
~While there are plenty of women that lose all their baby weight when they nurse I am not one of them. I hold onto almost everything and when I try to work out and maybe lose a few pounds I actually gain some! Yeah. So not cool. I am dying to get fit and slide into my regular clothes and wear one of my favorite dresses to church but it is not to be for right now. And it is ok.
~Since this particular baby is verrrrrrry slowwwwwly transitioning to real food we nurse a LOT. I really wish I could work on my house more and cook more and do pretty much anything other than have a person attached to me for a big majority of the day and night. But that is not to be right now. That is ok.
~Did you catch that I said night too? Yeah. She, me and Captain Awesome in our full-sized bed, nursing through most of the night. You can bet I would really love to have my own space and un-interrupted sleep again but it is not to be for right now. And it is ok.

It is ok, because I love my daughter. It is ok because this is the best thing for her! And it is ok because even though it is inconvenient, this stage is still short! Part of motherhood is learning to put another's needs ahead of our own so I am trying to keep in mind that like marriage, bfing might just be designed to make us holy more than happy. :) (Although like marriage there is plenty of happy too! Don't want to bum you out on bfing  and make you think it is all doom and gloom! I love it and would choose it again!)


**What do you think? Have your views changed over the years of having babies? What do you wish someone told you about bfing?**