I can see the shock on your faces as you read the title of this post. You will gasp in bewilderment and maybe feel faint at this astounding revelation. Okay, probably (hopefully! Ha!) not. But this was kind of news to me.

God always uses pregnancy and birth to teach me something...and baby number four was no different. Can you believe there is a new baby this blog knows nothing about? So sad. Maybe someday I will have internet at home again so I can blog more. :) Anyhow...we have a new baby! (Well...she is almost ten months old now. :)

It was this pregnancy that I really took control over how and where I was going to deliver this baby. You may recall I had a rough time with delivering the Purple Princess and had to conquer my fears and go back to the hospital to deliver my little Knight in Training. (That story here) But in a new place I had more options and really did not want to put my pregnant laboring self and new baby at the mercy of medical staff who think they know more about how I should be having a baby and how to treat said baby than I do. I always get pressured to do things I don't want to do and feel like I should be having a baby when they want me to instead of say, when baby is ready. I could talk so much more about all that and have no problems answering any questions you may have but I realized in this process of choosing a caretaker and birth place that I was finally coming to grips with something. I am a girl. I have been denying this fact for decades as best I could. I spent years actually believing that God made me a girl because He loved me less. I came to terms with the "fact" that He loved every other girl the same as boys except me...He made me a vulnerable, easily abused and manipulated girl because He loved me less. So being a girl became bad.

Just wait, it gets worse.

Later on when the whole monthly thing started (you know.....the monthly thing.) I referred to it as "my shame." Seriously. Drama much? But I was-totally ashamed and now plagued with this annoying, disgusting reminder that God made me a girl and didn't love me as much. My period was some kind of unchosen penance. So I did what any other crazy, dysfunctional person would do. Denial. I paid no attention to my cycle or any other thing that was up with me physically. I tuned out what my stupid female body was telling me and concentrated on what the upside of being a girl could do: control the boys around me. You can tell I was a very healthy, happy teenager, right? ;)

                                                                      She is pretty new here with Captain Awesome


In college I started dating Captain Awesome and continued in my denial cycle. I found after several months of dating that we would regularly have the same conversation. We would be taking our almost daily walks around campus only during this particular conversation, emotion would flood out of me. I would cry and vent and yell, "I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!"
To which he would very calmly (and probably fearfully-ha!) reply, "Wellll...Babe do you remember that we had a very similar conversation about this time last month and then a few days later you felt all better?" Then he would look at me and wait for the light bulb to come on where I would realize he was telling me that I was PMS-ing. !!!! While I was mortified that not only was my period coming, but my boyfriend knew, (!!!) I was very glad to have him do that because then I would remember to go buy stuff before I needed it. Otherwise I was always in trouble. Also, keep in mind that we were not allowed to hold hands much less be sexually active so the only reason he would know that is because he was more in tune with me than I was.

 Yeah. I was that in-denial.

And except for poor Chase having to have "the talk" with me every month, being in denial didn't really affect that much-until I started having babies. Having babies is kind of a female deal...well a totally a female deal. But I didn't want to be a female...I just wanted the babies. Haha! So when it came to my dr's, and prenatal care I put very little thought or effort into how it was all going to go down. The first two times, (despite my knowledge of how bad it is to induce or have your water broken prematurely, or have your baby in the hospital in the first place. ;) I just basically let the caretaker run the show. Whatever they thought or wanted. I was just the shell who wanted to end up with a baby. Truly. Do to me what you must.
Then I realized I was actually harming myself further and allowing myself to re-live past abuses by not taking some charge in this whole baby-having process. (Again, that story here)
Plus, it was affecting my babies too I learned after more study. So for baby number four I found an amazing, very knowledgeable midwife who had a birthing center. A birthing center was the perfect fit for us-not the hospital but close to one in case of emergency and not home where I would be distracted by the dirty dishes but very relaxed and homey. It. Was. The. Best.


One day during pregnancy I was praying about the baby and her birth and "realized" (God basically whispered it to my soul) that to let my body do what it was designed to do in labor I had to accept that my body was female. Female. A girl. A woman. Female. (I am still reiterating it to myself.) And that not only was it female but God designed it that way.

Because He loves me.
And it is beautiful to be a girl.

He showed me that I have been given a gift. That verse "Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control." (1 Timothy 2:15 ESV) took on new meaning for me as I looked back and saw how God taught me, healed me and molded me especially through pregnancy, and delivery. I studied that verse a bit in context and read some commentaries on it and it seems everyone has a different idea of what "saved through childbearing" means. I just think it is referring to the special way the Lord can reveal Himself to women if we let Him. It can be a sanctifying process. Being in labor is such an out-of-control experience (which I am soooo not fond of not being in control of what is going on with me) you have nowhere else to turn but to pray God brings you through it in one piece. And pregnancy can be scary too, I feel so much more defenseless and vulnerable when I am carrying around a huge load of baby with me. It always seems too, that when I am pregnant all these stories appear on the news about sick people kidnapping a woman and ripping her apart to steal the baby inside. Freaks. Me. Out.
Being pregnant and/or delivering your baby is one of the can't-get-away-from-it times when the Lord reminds me of Who is really in control and whether or not I really trust Him. But He is there, carrying me and making Himself known to me. He gives me grace, courage, faith and reminds me that even if something unspeakable happens to me or my baby-He has got this and it will end up being okay.

He uses this time to save me...from myself, my fears, my past, my failures and reminds me that He is giving me the opportunity to put more faith in Him, to love Him more, to pray more, to rest in Him more and give birth to a tiny life I want to give back to Him. It is beautiful and I would totally miss out if I were not created to be woman.

I am a girl. I am learning to love it. And I am so proud that I took control of being a girl and had a baby my way. (That story is coming soon I hope!) I am a girl. I am a wife. I am a mom. I am a rock star  ;) I am so thankful Jesus made it that way.

I have been reminiscing the last few days, and thought that I would gab a little about where the title of my blog came from and why I use it. :)
If you are familiar with my story, you know I have experienced abuse and other crappy things in my life. That being said, if you know my story you also probably read about the healing power of God and the miraculous things He has done and continues to do in my life.
I have also mentioned before that I LOVE music. It affects me the way few other things do. Just today, Chase asked what song I was playing in my head. He can tell because I play piano all the time and don't realize it. My fingers just move (they play piano soooo much better in my head than I ever could really play, but anyway) and my head is always in song.
Music is huge.

I had heard the song Held a few times before but really only knew the chorus a little. I had never paid that much attention to it.

Then a few years ago I took my girls to a "Revolve" conference ( I DO NOT suggest you go, although the first year we went it was GREAT! The second year was awful and we haven't been back....anyway long story!)
Natalie Grant is a Christian Contemporary singer and she gave her testimony of coming out of anorexia and other issues she had and how God brought her out of it. Amazing testimony...and then she sang Held.

At that point, I had really turned a corner and was coming to grips with Who God really is and how much He loved me regardless of what I had been taught about myself or believed about myself. He saw fit to choose me! He asked ME to come into His family! He wanted ME to spend time with Him! And all that time I thought that He looked the other way or let things happen to me because I  was bad or thought that He didn't care or else He would have stopped it...I was finding that He was holding me the whole time. He wept with me and felt all the pain and anger I felt.
It was only because of Him that I even survived. He held ME.
She sang the song and on one of the choruses she stopped singing and had the audience sing the chorus. I love being in the midst of thousands of people singing...there is nothing like it. I think it is just a small glimpse of how singing will be in heaven (not that that is all we will do though....anyway that is for a different post!)
The voices of thousands and thousands of teenage girls filled the air...

"This is what it means to be held, 
how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life 
and you survive. 
This is what it means to be loved 
and to know that the promise was when everything fell-we'd be held." 

Yeah, I am not going to lie-I bawled....just the realization hit me that the God I then knew was sooooo completely different than the one I grew up knowing. God had been busy ripping the lies rooted in my heart, and He carefully planted His truth in it's place. It was so freeing standing there trying to sing through the tears. They were such happy tears! I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders and it was replaced with freedom, and a peace that passes my understanding. He held me. :)

That song continued to be one of my favorites and pointed me back to that day when Christ gave me His hindsight view of my life...
And then I met Jen.
Jen is one of my very dearest friends and I can't even tell you how much I love her and her family. Our backgrounds are a bit similar and we are polar opposites so we really hit it off. lol
Her story of healing comes from losing her second son. Jacob only lived around 24 hours but he left a permanent mark on his home. He is dearly missed and loved and while I didn't know them when they went through this awful time in their lives, I feel like I know Jacob too. I love that little boy who would have been about Chastity's age. I can't wait to actually meet him and to find out all about him!
The last time Jen had heard the song "Held" was at Jacob's funeral. She had never listened to it since. It was far too painful.
The second year I took the teen girls to the "Revolve" conference, I warned Jen that we were probably going to hear that song. She said she was nervous but she would just deal with it as best she could. I expected Natalie Grant to give her testimony again and lead into the song, and instead the ended the first night with the song. Both Jen and I were surprised by the timing, but she stayed anyway. And we sat and I held her hand while she sang
"Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling.
Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair.

Music speaks to me like few other things do. It calms me, it wakes me up, it makes me sad, it makes me happy, it excites me, it encourages me,...well you get the picture.

I wanted to mention a couple of songs that have been recently meaningful to me.
If you read my earlier post about my birthday and the car accident, you know that I am a big fat scaredy cat. Yep, I am pretty much terrified of everything. Not something I am proud of, the Lord is definitely working on me! But after the car accident it got worse...after years of driving and reletively nothing to worry about, I was almost broadsided, and then taken out by someone with a severe case of road rage...all in a couple of weeks! I kinda felt like I was in Final Destination and Death was out to get me. It was scary. Both times I had my children with me and both times I was driving normally in my normal small town. Both times I was reduced to a shaking, crying basket case. I say all this to tell you that I was terrified to drive back down to Phoenix to get my new car a week or so later. I did not want to return to the windy, side of the mountain, drive where we had our previous accident. But there was no getting around it. Chase drove our borrowed van down to Phoenix, where we picked up my Suburban (!!!) met with some friends for dinner and drove home.
As we were approaching the drive up the mountain I was getting more and more anxious. Now I was driving the van, Chase was driving the suburban...and there was a HUGE lightening storm that was lighting up the mountains so beautifully that it was breathtaking...and for me a little terrifying. I begged asked Chase if we could maybe stay in the Valley for the night and go home the next day but he assured me we had nothing to worry about. So we continued on.
I got more and more anxious as we drove through the clouds and rain and lightening but was really glad to find a Christian radio station that I wasn't losing on our windy drive. The music was encouraging and helped to keep my mind off of things a little. But I was really stressed, and tense, and too scared to even pray. I know....I am a little psycho. Like I said, He is working on me! ;)
THEN, I started listening to a song that had been playing on the radio...I recognized the voice to be Steven Curtis Chapman's. And I realized this was a song he had written after the death of one of his daughters...
And I listened to the chorus:


Chorus


And it's all Yours God, Yours God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky to
The depths of the ocean floor
And it's all Yours God, Yours God
Everything is Yours
You're the maker and keeper
Father and ruler of everything
It's all Yours


And I went on to hear the last verse...


New Verse 4

I’ve walked the valley of death’s shadow
So deep and dark that I could barely breathe
I’ve had to let go of more than I could bear
And questioned everything that I believe
But still even here in this great darkness
A comfort and hope come breaking through
As I can say in life or death
God we belong to you

Needless to say, I cried. And the phrase "We are Yours, Lord" became my mantra for the rest of the drive...and still when I get anxious and fearful. The cd it is on hadn't been released yet...and was on the radio again on my next drive to Phoenix! :) Isn't God good?

I love songs the remind me of God's truth and promises! Here are the rest of the words to that song, and you should look it up and listen to it. :)

Verse 1

I walk the streets of London
And notice in the faces passing by
Something that makes me stop and listen
My heart grows heavy with the cry
Where is the hope for London
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
As I'm reminded every street in London is Yours




Verse 2
I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
And they're waiting for a cure no one can find
And I hear children's voices singing
Of a God who heals and rescues and restores
And I'm reminded that
Every child in Africa is Yours






Verse 3
And I walk the sidewalks of Nashville
Like Singapore Manila and Shanghai
I'm brushed by the beggar's hand
And the wealthy man
And everywhere I look I realize
That just like the streets of London
For every man and woman boy and girl
All of creation this is our Father's world


The other song that has been especially meaningful lately has been "Sing Me a Love Song" by BarlowGirl. I listen to it every chance I get.

The tension is thick in the air

Making it hard to see
I fear what is to come
And what will become of me.
I say a prayer help me not run away
Will You please hold me?






And sing me a love song again
Say the words that heal my heart
sing me a love song and then
Let Your words remind me who I am






You've never failed me before
Why do I feel betrayed
If I close my heart to You now
The darkness would have its way
I crave Your voice help me not fall away
Will You please hold me




And sing me a love song again

Say the words that heal my heart
sing me a love song and then
Let Your words remind me who I am




'Cause You are all I need
And all that I want is You with me
You are all I need
And all that I want is You with me




So sing me a love song again

Say the words that heal my heart
sing me a love song and then
Let Your words remind me who I am.

Love it! Go take a listen!!!

So just to let anyone know....our trip to Missouri went well! We arrived VERY early this morning and have really enjoyed visiting with family. I am seriously in love with these people. :)
But I feel like I am behind on visiting my blogging buddies so don't feel like I am ignoring you! We are just busy with family and the upcoming Memorial Service for Grandpa on Saturday.
Kind of strange. I didn't know Grandpa Cantrell very well. We were able to spend some good time with him last Christmas and that was good-he loved getting to know his great-grandkids!
I had only ever spent time with him one time before that, when Chase graduated from college. So really, I know very very little about him which is too bad. It is strange to be in his house without him. Even though I have never been here before so I shouldn't know how it feels to be without him, I can feel it. I can hear his voice. He had the greatest voice...it had this amazing, deep quality to it. He tended to remind me of James Garner, I don't know if anyone else would see that or not...
But he had such a presence-just one of those people I guess. And even at Christmas when you could tell he was having a hard time with the cancer and all the treatments that entails-he was enjoying life. Loving his family, cracking jokes and being an integral part of the family! We miss you Grandpa. :) It brings so much peace and comfort to know we will see you again and there we will REALLY be living! :)
Alot of being here has also reminded me of losing my dad and the random things that went into preparing for his memorial service and dealing with his death: yard work, poster making, talking to family members, etc.
Our situation was a little different-it wasn't as mournful a time as you might think. But it was still hard. And on our stop in Colorado yesterday we actually drove by the spot next to the highway where he died. Pretty strange.
With dad, it was so strange...we didn't know what to feel. I was the only one in the family who cried...and I think that was just because I hadn't lived with him for the past three years-truly.
We sat at the Memorial service feeling angry and betrayed...and relieved. How sad to be relieved at the funeral of a parent! Yet we were. We were so lost...
My great-grandpa died a year and a half ago. Grandpa Joe is what we called him. :) I had no idea how badly I would miss him when he was gone. We had known for awhile he would be going home soon. The man was 93 for pete's sake! :) He was dealing with Parkinson's and dementia. He had this great mid-west accent and called me "Gina Mae." He was SO handsome. I love the pictures of he and Grandma in the 40's. They are so adorable.
I went out to visit my Grandma after he died. We thought that it would be good for her to spend some time with the GREAT-GREAT grandkids for a few days after the funeral. It did help her and lifted her spirits, but you can't be married to someone for 70+ years (!!!!!) and just transition to him not being there anymore. She has pretty much stopped talking about him, I think because it hurts so much that he is gone. She has aged a lot in the last year.
Grandpa died about the time that Van was born and I found myself having some post-partum issues which I hadn't experienced with the other two. I even went to my OB/GYN and got a prescription for anti-depressants. I think I took one. I wasn't having suicidal thoughts or any kind of harmful anything going on, I was just really really down and couldn't figure out what my problem was. So I finally (!!!) asked God about it and He kinda reminded me that I was in fact mourning and didn't realize it. God helped me sort through my issues and I realized that Grandpa Joe was one of my safe places. He and Grandma were there and they were safe. Their house was around the corner from the Christian school I went to through highschool and we often were over there, eating them out of house and home, just hanging out or visiting. They were safe. We stayed at their house many many times and would go over there as much as possible-especially if dad was home. And Grandpa Joe was a safe man. That was definitely not the norm in my situation. I took him and Grandma for granted. But I knew how much they loved us and worried about us and prayed for us and did everything they could for us. But somehow it wasn't until he was gone that I realized what a place he had in my life.
On his 90th birthday, people wrote down memories of him and sent them to him to help him remember his life and also to document his life for the rest of us. I finally got to read it on that trip I took for Grandma. It was amazing, I had no idea! I knew he was a mechanic and a well-respected one. But I didn't realize to what extent. People shared stories of the Depression and him inviting people to come eat with them when they themselves had next to nothing on the table. He would repair cars and expect nothing in return and take no payment if a family was (and about all of them were) in financial straits. People talked about him sharing Christ with them and being the most generous man they knew. And he still took care of his family. As a family they had been through tough times...they had lost a baby and usually had very little to live on. But he loved his family and adored his wife. He did what he needed to do to take care of them. Just amazing. I hope his great great grandson takes after him in these ways. :)
I miss him. :)

I guess the point of this amazingly and unexpectedly long post is that I don't want my kids to be lost. Lost because of how my life affected them negatively while I lived here, or lost because I am not here anymore and they don't know how to live life just them and God. I want my kids to have faith. To know that they are God's and He has a plan and that even when we don't understand and it hurts that He is all we need and He can give us strength and will to function and even better-glorify Him.
It is so nice to be not-so-lost anymore! I still miss these men and will continue to, but I want to live looking forward and praying that someday when I run into them in heaven that I have great reports for them about their grandkids and families, and what miraculous things God has done in my life. :)
God gives us so much grace. :)

There are many women who testify that childbirth can be a horrible experience because of the memories, feelings and almost a "reliving" of childhood abuse.
For some reason, not many people know that it happens, but more people need to know about this, so that women can prepare or know how to respond after they experience it, and so her medical professionals and husband can know how to be more supportive and careful.


Take my story for example:

I was pregnant with Evan (my third) and really excited. I really wanted a boy and I was really excited about the name I had picked for him. I was still going to some counseling, but life was getting much easier and God had really done some healing work in my heart. My only major problem at that time was that for some reason I was bound and determined to have a home birth. Now I had wanted one with both previous pregnancies but had decided against it for whatever reason. But this time was different. The thought of going to the hospital actually made me cry and I argued with Chase about it a lot because he was not comfortable with the idea of a homebirth. We went back and forth and the more we talked about it and he said "no" the more betrayed I felt. I looked up "birthing clinics" where they are more open to the mother's needs and comfort, but couldn't find anything. My options were to:
1. Have the baby at home, which was not an option in Chase's mind, or
2. Have the baby in the hospital, which was not an option in my mind!!

After a few months, I finally realized how hysterical I was being and I wondered what was causing me to react this way. This one issue was hugely breaking down the trust I had in my husband and his love for me. So I asked God one day, "Lord, why am I feeling this way? What is it that is driving me as far away from the hospital as I can get?"
And then I heard my counselor Robin's voice in my head...it was a question she asked me after my first child was born: "Did you experience anything during your labor that made you feel like you were reliving your abuse?"
At the time I thought that was totally a bizarre question and responded, "Ummm...noooooo..." But now I realized I had with my second child, Harmony.
God had immediately answered my question, and all the memories flooded in and I made connections with the feelings I had during labor to the same ones during the abuse.
See, delivering Harmony was one of the most horrible things I had ever been through, as the due date drew near, I felt like I was going through post partum depression, before the baby even came! I felt an urgency that she had to get out. I went to the hospital a few times hoping that they would think I was ready and they always sent me home. The last time, however, I told them through tears that they were keeping me in the hospital until the baby came or else I could not be held responsible for my actions. (!!!) They took me very seriously then and did what they could to start labor. I had hard core contractions for 2 days but they weren't doing anything. I was exhausted and sick and tired of waiting for this baby! Also, I had a mid-wife for this birth. For some reason, I had it in my head that the dr. I previously used was not as natural as I wanted and I wanted to go as natural as I could (until I went crazy, that is!)
She was very nice and very supportive, but I kept finding that she would just tell me what I wanted to hear, and then when she left and I thought of all my questions to ask, (because that is always the way it works out!) I would ask the nurse and she would always have a completely different story of what was going on than what my mid-wife just told me. It was very frustrating and broke down my trust in her...anyways-
my water finally broke and we finally started to get somewhere-really fast! They were actually rushing me into the delivery room! The pressure was on and they said the baby was coming quickly. After suffering for two days, and now being dilated enough to do so, I asked for an epidural, but they didn't think I had enough time to get one, so instead she offered some meds called (I don't know how to spell it but it is pronounced,) "Stay-doll." She said it would make me a little drowsy (RED FLAG!!!) but it would take the edge off the pain and make it easier on me. So I agreed. They put it in my IV and I soon began to experience a new form of hell on earth. It was soooooo awful. Instead of a "little drowsy," it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. My eyelids had never been heavier and it took so much strength to open them even for a second, then to top it off, when my eyes were closed, I was suddenly in a red circus tent with organ music playing and penguins flipping off of seesaws through the air! Sounds silly, and I can almost laugh about it now, but at the time it was horrifying! I would close my eyes and be in the penguin circus and open my eyes and see Chase, my sister, my midwife, the nurse and then I would be gone again back in the awful red tent. And to top it all off, I still felt every ounce of pain! Take the edge off, my foot! I was inwardly hysterical that I was going to sleep through the birth of my child and yet feel all of it! I felt trapped, and completely out of control. I couldn't even control my own thoughts! After awhile, (because it didn't go fast at ALL!) I started to come out of it and some of the anger that had been boiling inside began to come out as I lashed out at my mid-wife that she had better get an epidural in here fast and she had better make this stupid stuff I was on wear off faster! She got the point and got my epidural taken care of. Finally.
It took awhile for the first drug to wear off, and it kinda mixed with the epidural resulting in me having no control over anything, because now I can't move anything from the waist down. So now, I have no control over my mind, no control over my body, I am SCREAMING on the inside and my husband and my sister and my mid-wife were all there doing nothing but staring at me, poking at me, and oblivious to all the turmoil I was in and the feelings of abandonment and betrayal by the man who has saved me from so much but now leaves me exposed, helpless, and on my own. (And he thought I was just having a baby! :) Poor guy.) So Harmony finally came! And it was a great moment, but it was over all too quickly. My sister had to get home, Chase had to leave, my mid-wife left, they took my daughter away and I was left alone, now physically. And for some reason, (I don't know if it was the combo of the meds, or them not doing the epidural right, or what, but) I was left temporarily paralyzed from the waist down-for HOURS. With my first daughter it was no big deal, it actually started to wear off immediately after Chas was born. But with Harmony is was a different story, it was several hours before I could wiggle my toes, and in the meantime, I was completely dependant on the nurses. I was stuck in bed. Just awful. Eventually I obviously got my legs back, and we went home to live happily ever after. I didn't think much more about it, and got used to having two babies.

( Also, side-note...they chalked up my urgency to get her born due to the fact that the cord was wrapped around her neck several times, there was a large knot in her cord and it was affecting her heart rate. After that I had no actual post partum!)

So I made all of these connections and it was such an "AHA!" moment! I talked to Robin and the ladies in a Bible Study we were doing with Robin, and they encouraged me to seek the Lord's safety and protection, to ask for trust in my "Rock." And so I did. It was clear by the decision made by my husband that I was to look this fear in the eye and allow God to stare it down. I told Chase what I had learned about the situation I was facing and he prayed with me and apologized for letting me down, even unintentionally. (Isn't he amazing?!?!?)
I memorized some verses on fear and trusting in God as preparation to go to the hospital. I also went back to my original dr. who was way more natural than I thought. He was just amazing with both of the deliveries he did for me, and I am still kicking myself for not using him to deliver Harmony too. I just ADORE Dr. Tindall! I am really sad he is retiring in three years!!! Anyways, back on subject, I looked into aromatherapy, and decided to make the room I delivered Van in to be as peaceful as possible. I recruited my friend Deana to come and help me and Chase. She very graciously came and served me and kept the praise music going, she rubbed my hands, feet and back for hours! We did use aromatherapy and some warm washclothes soaked in essential oils to help with pain and calm me down, etc. All the nurses who came in mentioned how peaceful it was in my room. And actually, some of them came in just to hang out for a bit! Chase, Deana and I played games, and I had a wonderful wonderful nurse. There were so many things about it that were just great. I mean it was still labor, so it was far from a party, but it was the best birthing experience I have had. Evan came out weighing 9 lbs, 8 oz! Also, I really enjoyed breastfeeding him. I hated breastfeeding my daughters-even though I enjoyed the closeness and just holding them all the time, it also felt like torture and I wasn't sure why it felt that way...but there are women who only have trouble with breastfeeding and not labor because of childhood abuse, it just depends on the person. :)

The verses that the Lord gave me for labor with Evan are Psalms 61:1-3 "Hear my cry, O God, attend unto my prayer. From the ends of the earth will I cry unto Thee! When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that I higher than I. For Thou has been a Shelter for me, and a Strong Tower from the enemy."

"Evan" is the Welsh form of John which means, "God is Gracious" and He certainly is!

I contribute so many of the pregnancy and delivery problems women have today (C-Sections, Abortions, not wanting more kids, etc.) to the fact that we live in such a sinful world where women have been damaged by this sin and don't know that there is a God named "El Roi" which means "The God Who Sees" or another name for Him, "Jehovah-Rapha" which means "The Lord Who Heals!"

May my life and yours point these dear women to Him-the Rock and Strong Tower, the God Who sees and the Lord Who heals.

Zeph. 3:17 The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; He will save, He will rejoice over thee with joy; He will rest in His love, He will joy over thee with singing.

This became one of my favorite verses a couple of years ago, because I loved the picture I had of God singing over me. And last week, I did a little bit of searching in the Strong’s concordance to get a clearer picture of what it was saying in the original Hebrew. Here is what I found-it is sooo cool!

The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty

Midst- qereb- inner parts; by extension: heart or mind as the seat of thought and emotion; interior, midst.

Mighty- gibbor- Mighty One, Mighty Warrior, Special Guard

So if we put it in our own words with what we have looked up, we could also say,
“The Lord thy God who lives in your heart, is your Special Guard and Mighty Warrior!”

He will save

Save-yasa- to be rescued, delivered, be saved; to save, rescue, deliver; divine salvation has its focus on rescue from earthly enemies, occasionally referring to salvation from guilt, sin and punishment.

In Zephaniah, this verse is referring to the nation of Israel and how God would save them from their enemies when they would turn to Him. But Israel is also a picture of Christians, and Israel’s enemies are a picture of sin and sometimes trials. So we could say “He has rescued us from the punishment for our sins.”

He will rejoice over thee with joy

Rejoice- sus- to rejoice, be pleased, be delighted

Joy-simha-joy, gladness, pleasure, delight

“We bring Him joy!!”


He will rest in His love

Rest- hares- to plow; engrave; plan, plot; to be silent, be quiet; to become deaf


This is the line that I thought was especially amazing. I wasn’t really sure what it was for God to rest in His love. I can see myself resting in my love and it is a very selfish picture. J But that isn’t what this is saying at all.

Part of what this is saying is that He can become deaf. An example of that is when
Psalm 66:18 says “If I had cherished iniquity in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened.”

But it also says that He is planning or plotting. Sometimes, the Lord brings things into our life to direct us back to Him.

Love- 160- friendship, familial love, romantic love or covenant loyalty

Even when we are far from Him, living in sin and enjoying it, He is still there. He keeps His promise (covenant) to us in that we cannot lose our salvation.

So there are times when He just sits back, and waits for you to come around, all the time, missing you, and seeing what He needs to do to bring you back. HE LOVES YOU!!!

He will joy over thee with singing.

Joy-gil- to rejoice, be glad, be joyful. The attitude and action of favorable circumstance, often expressed in shouts or song.

Singing-rinna-shout of joy, song of joy; cry of pleading.

Notice this joy is different than the first joy. That joy is more like an enjoyment. This joy is being ecstatic!!! He is so happy that you are walking with Him that He sings and shouts about it!!!
Isn’t that amazing??? Have you ever pictured a singing and shouting God? We really shouldn’t be surprised-after all, He gave us music and emotions! Isn’t our God an awesome God??

Speaking of an awesome God, (!!!)

Isaiah 61:1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor,


Luke 4: 16 And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. And as was his custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and he stood up to read. 17 And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written,
18 “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
and recovering of sight to the blind,
to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
19 to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.”
20 And he rolled up the scroll and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on him. 21 And he began to say to them, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.”

Christ came and fulfilled those words from Isaiah 61! He wants to do the same in you! He wants to rejoice over you with singing! Won’t you walk with Him??? He wants to free you from whatever is holding you in bondage!!

Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

I looked up the word “yoke” and in Hebrew it is zygos which was a frame and cross bar placed on draft animals to pull various objects. Just like a frame that two oxen would use to plow a field or pull a wagon. It lessens the load and evens it out. All that work for just one would be unbearable, but having two work together, makes the load much lighter.

I found it interesting though, that instead of Jesus picking up our yoke, He asks us to pick up His. Why do you think that is?

Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would find his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?


So basically, it boils down to this, please…open your heart and listen:

Do you crave encouragement or wisdom for your life? Who better to talk to than the Wonderful Counselor??
Are you tired of being dragged through the mud by Satan and your past? Who would be better than the Mighty God to pick you up and clean you off?
Do you yearn for a place of safety and rest? Whose arms are better to hold you than the Everlasting Father?
Are you sick and tired of living a life of inner chaos and confusion? Who better to run to than the Prince of Peace?

I will tell you-NO ONE is better. You can keep trying to fix yourself and be “fine” on your own, but His name is Jesus. And it was prophesied hundreds of years before His birth that He would be all those things for us.

Isaiah 9:6 For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

He longs to be all that for you. He wants to call the shots in your life and desires a friendship with you! The Creator of the universe wants to listen to whatever it is that you have to say!! Isn’t that amazing???

Are you ready to take up the cross and follow Him?
Honestly, it is not easy, but let Him make your life worth living.

Walking in Truth

This comes from a lesson I taught the girls on our last Young Ladies Retreat. Sorry it is so choppy, hopefully it runs together fairly smoothly. Hang in there, if you are reading this as a result of being abused, take note of the scriptures below. Study them, memorize them. Replace lies with truth! Also, study Psalm 116! :)

John 8:44
…He (Satan) was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

Satan is called the Father of Lies and we see his handiwork everywhere!!!

After talking to you, knowing you and having been a teen girl myself not that long ago, I have boiled some of our biggest problems down to two lies:

1. That in order to be happy, we need to be in control. We should do whatever we want to do, whatever feels right, regardless of what others tell us.

Some of us are in that boat. We just don’t understand why the Bible has such strict rules. Why are these things so important anyway??? Why do your parents make such a big deal out of little things? This is one of Satan’s favorites, He wants you to think that God is holding out on you. He doesn’t really want you to have fun.

Some of us are caught in a different one (or another one):

2. Because we did some things our own way, or others had their way with us, God can’t forgive us, use us or really love us. We are a permanent disgrace to God.

This is another one of Satan’s favorites. If you are a Christian, Jesus has wiped your sin clean! But Satan wants us to believe and feel like we are still dirty.

This weekend, our theme is Walk, so we are going to take a walk with God here for a bit, and explore what He says about walking.

First, turn to

Psalm 86:11
Teach me your way, O Lord,that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name.


I didn’t plan it this way, but it is interesting that if you did your morning devotions this morning, you learned that to fear the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. If you don’t want to fear the Lord, you will get nowhere in your walk with Him, and you will destroy your life.

We will tackle the first lie first. Turn to 2 Corinthians 5:7

7 for we walk by faith, not by sight.

When it comes to walking with Christ, you have to walk by faith. You have to believe that Christ knows what is best for you. But let us continue in this passage.

8 Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9 So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

So not only, do we just have faith that God will do what is best for us, but we also obey because if you are a Christian, your works will be judged, but not to see if you made it into heaven. Understand this- If you accepted Christ into your heart, than you are going to heaven regardless of if you ever talked to Him again, but rather everything in your life will be boiled down to what really mattered for eternity.

11 Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience.

Get real with God-remember that He knows everything you do and say and think. Even the things that not another person on the planet knows!

Psalm 139: 4 Even before a word is on my tongue,behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

Also, get real with your own sin-recognize that you have sin in your life!!! We are ALL SLIME!!!

12 We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart.

Is your Christianity just something you wear? Is it like brushing your hair in the morning, you just put it on and look and act “Christian” or is it something you are in your very core??? You WALK with God?

13 For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you.

I love this because he is basically saying, if you think we act crazy, it is for God. Sometimes, people think you are crazy for doing or not doing the things God says. But he goes on to say that anything good that comes out of their life is for the ones he is teaching. If you see anything good come out of me this weekend or any of the lessons, or anything in my life period-it is because of Christ. I can’t take credit for any of it!! If I am in my right mind-it is for you!

14 For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; 15 and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

Jesus died to give us new life! Not another old life to live for ourselves, but a new life!!

16 From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

The old has passed away!! The new has come! God has placed Himself inside of you! If you are still living the old life, you are not allowing God to change your life!

18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

God is giving us a second chance at life! We couldn’t give ourselves a life worth living, but He can give us true life!!

In our human minds, God’s way does not look like fun. Satan has distorted our view of fulfillment and happiness.
I remember Leslie Ludy’s description of what she thought giving her love life to God would look like: She would be an old woman, staring out a window while sitting in her rocking chair…just waiting for the husband from God to come along. If you have read any of her books, you know that is not the case, but we picture boring dull lives with no joy or happiness when we give every part of our life to God. But that is what Satan wants you to believe! He doesn’t want you to know that waiting for marriage to have sex is one of the things that will keep your marriage together and give you joy without guilt or worries. He doesn’t want you to know that if you give the pen of your life story to God, you will have adventures, make discoveries and live life to the fullest-with the best friend anyone could ask for-God Himself. I am not being dramatic-that is truly the way it is!

Isaiah 55:1 “Come, everyone who thirsts,come to the waters;and he who has no money,come, buy and eat!Come, buy wine and milkwithout money and without price.2 Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,and your labor for that which does not satisfy?Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,and delight yourselves in rich food.3 Incline your ear, and come to me;hear, that your soul may live;and I will make with you an everlasting covenant,my steadfast, sure love for David.4 Behold, I made him a witness to the peoples,a leader and commander for the peoples.5 Behold, you shall call a nation that you do not know,and a nation that did not know you shall run to you,because of the Lord your God, and of the Holy One of Israel,for he has glorified you.
6 “Seek the Lord while he may be found;call upon him while he is near;7 let the wicked forsake his way,and the unrighteous man his thoughts;let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him,and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,so are my ways higher than your waysand my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heavenand do not return there but water the earth,making it bring forth and sprout,giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;it shall not return to me empty,but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
12 “For you shall go out in joyand be led forth in peace;the mountains and the hills before youshall break forth into singing,and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;and it shall make a name for the Lord,an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.”


If you are thinking that all Christianity is is a long set of rules, you do not know the God who wrote them.

Hebrews 11 says that the pleasures of sin are fleeting. Sure, sin can give you pleasure, it can be fun and even rewarding. But for how long? God wants to give you joy that will be permanent. Believe the truth.


Alright now go back to I Corinthians 5:20-21
20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

And then over to Eph. 4:1

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Some of us have been reconciled to God for salvation, and are told to walk worthy of our calling, but here is where we get around to lie number two: we don’t believe we are worthy at all! And the truth is- we AREN’T!! Only God makes us worthy. Satan wants us to live in the past and believe that we are still what we used to be! But we are a NEW CREATION!! God has washed away the old! Live like you are new!

Romans 6:4 We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.


I am going to read a section from Your Scars are Beautiful to God by Sharon Jaynes. She puts so wonderfully what I am trying to say, so I will just read her words!

(From Page 69)

Do You Want to Get Well?

Sometimes the chains we wear shackled to our hearts become so comfortable, we get used to the pain and forget what it is like to be well. Perhaps some of us have never known freedom. But the big question is-do you want to get well? Do you want to be free? Of course I do, I hear you say. But do you really?
There was a certain man Jesus encountered who faced the same crossroads in his life. In Jerusalem, men and women with various infirmities congregated at the Sheep Gate Pool. Surrounding the pool were five porticoes where sick people clustered, waiting for the “moving of the waters.” They believed an angel of the Lord came down from heaven at certain seasons and stirred the pool. When the people saw the waters ripple, they all made a mad dash to jump in. They believed that the first one to make it to the pool would be healed.
One man, an invalid, had been waiting by the pool for 38 years. When Jesus saw the man lying there and learned that he had been doing so for such a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” (John 5:6).
That seems like such an unusual question-or does it? Sometimes we become accustomed to being “sick.” We become attached to our wounds. They become a part of who we are, and we can’t imagine life without them. For this man, healing meant a drastic life change. He would have to get a job, become a responsible adult, and stop lounging by the pool all day.
Pain can be an idol. Not that we worship it in a good sense, but we worship it as an awesome force and allow it to control our lives. When we allow our past to dictate our future, we are giving it the power of a god and making it an idol. “We can hug our hurts and make a shrine out of our sorrows or we can offer them to God as a sacrifice of praise. The choice is ours.”
Did the invalid want to get well? He had not asked for Jesus’ help. It seems he clung to his illness and blamed it on those around him-a victim of circumstance. “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred” (John 5:7). We don’t know if he had lost the will to be healed, was afraid to lose his income as a beggar, or simply had accepted lameness as his lot in life. In any case, unexpectedly he came face-to-face with the One Who could set him free.
The man never did answer Jesus’ question. Jesus simply said, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk” (John 5:8). And he did.
Thirty-eight years is a long time to be immobile, and yet, in my own life, there were some things that had held me back for the same amount of time. I was paralyzed by feelings of inferiority, insecurity, and inadequacy because of messages from my past. Then Jesus asked me, “Do you want to get well?”
Satan wants to use our past to paralyze us. God wants to use our past to propel us. The choice is ours.

A Helping Hand

Can I take you to another man who was lame? Oh how this story in Mark2:1-12 stirs my heart!
2:1 And when he returned to Capernaum after some days, it was reported that he was at home. 2 And many were gathered together, so that there was no more room, not even at the door. And he was preaching the word to them. 3 And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. 4 And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay.

…After quite some time, the crowd stared wide-eyed as a man was lowered through the opening on a mat and placed at Jesus’ feet. Jesus simply looked down at the paralyzed man lying on the pallet before him and simply said, “Your sins are forgiven” (Mark 2:5).
But wait. Is that what the man really longed for? Is that what his friends had in mind? Oh my friend, sometimes it is our sin that paralyzes us. One of Satan’s most damaging tactics is to paralyze us with our own emotions. He wants to cover us with shame, weigh us down with guilt and cripple our progress toward the cross. But Jesus came to set us free! He tells us to get up and walk!…James tells us, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up” (James 4:10). He won’t necessarily lift you up to a place of worldy honor, but He will lift you up out of the dirt, off the mat, and set your feet on the path He has chosen for you all along. Sometimes He might call a friend to be your stretcher bearer. Other times He might call you to be that friend for someone else.

Healing Is A Process

…The good news is that Jesus never encountered someone whose infirmity was greater than His power to heal it. You might think that you are too far-gone. Rest assured, Jesus specializes in bringing life from death, no matter how long death has prevailed…
Likewise, no matter how long we have felt the pain from a seemingly fatal wound of the soul, God can restore and resurrect our broken dream. He can even create a vast army from a pile of dried up bone. He told the prophet Ezekiel to speak to a hovel of bones.

4 Then he said to me, “Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord. 5 Thus says the Lord God to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. 6 And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the Lord.”… 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived and stood on their feet, an exceedingly great army. (Ezekiel. 37:4-6,10).

If God can take a pile of old dry bones and change them into a vast army, then He can certainly take the broken pieces of our lives and transform us into mighty warriors for Him. Eric Liddell once said, “Circumstances may appear to wreck our lives and God’s plans, but God is not helpless among the ruins.”


Isn’t that amazing?!?!

2 Cor. 7:10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

What is holding you back?
If it is your past and your sin-give it to God and leave it there!
If it is something that someone else told you that you were or made you feel like you were worthless, dirty or damaged-give it to God and leave it there!

Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death…31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

In John 8, the church leaders of the day brought a woman before Jesus. She was caught in adultery. First, just picture that! Can you imagine being caught in adultery and then having a group of men bring you before Jesus Who was currently teaching a crowd of people??? How awful!!! But Jesus did not condemn her, he asked the church leaders who among them was without sin.

9 But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. 10 Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” 12 Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Walk with Jesus and have the Light of Life!!!

Psalm 34:5 Those who look to him are radiant,and their faces shall never be ashamed.

Psalm 3:3 But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,my glory, and the lifter of my head.

Jesus does not condemn us but He does want to change us into His image.
These passages apply to both lies. If we are to combat the lies, we MUST replace them with truth! Jesus prayed in John 7: 17 Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.

I John 2:6 whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

I Peter 1:14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, 15 but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Galatians 5:25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.

John 8: 31 So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” 33 They answered him, “We are offspring of Abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How is it that you say, ‘You will become free’?” 34 Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin. 35 The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Be free indeed!!!

Ephesians 5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. 5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not become partners with them; 8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.

Walk as children of light
Do not sell yourself short of God’s will for you! You are soooo much better than what the world has to offer!

9 (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10 and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,
“Awake, O sleeper,and arise from the dead,and Christ will shine on you.”
15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,

Let God help you take an inventory of your life-be wise! Books, music, friends, movies, etc.

16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Psalm 56:13 For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.

Remember that the Christian walk is life-long. You will not “arrive” someday! We will have sin in our lives as long as we live on the earth.

But:

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love steadfast love, and to walk humbly with your God?
Micah 6:8

Let us truly live life to the fullest! The only true full life is living the life God has planned for you.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Isn't that an awesome passage?