Oh my goodness, I have SO much to blog about and so little time! :)
I am still working on my breaking generational sins series and also my rock-music series. Hopefully I will be able to wrap those up soon! So stay posted! ;)

In the meantime though, I wanted to share that I have been so encouraged in my walk as a youth pastor's wife. I feel that I have been through so many transitions since I became a youth pastor's wife. It was never something I had even considered or thought about. Since I was a small child my focus has always been on children. I loved kids of all ages and was so very burdened for them. I went to Bible College planning on being a missionary who worked in orphanages in other countries. I still have a heart for orphans and missions, but as my relationship with Chase developed while we were in college, God showed me that I was called to Chase. I was called to be his help-meet in whatever ministry he entered. The first of which has been youth ministry...

I jumped into this really naively. I expected teens to be grateful, courteous and lovable! HA! Plus, I didn't like teenaged girls when I was one!!! To top it off, I was pregnant all the time and still holding onto a life of legalism instead of God's grace.
It was pretty miserable. I enjoyed aspects of youth ministry and I loved the teens and wanted to help them...but it did not go well.

As time went on and I went through counseling and received grace and truth into my life, things got much better. I started to fall in love with youth ministry. I enjoyed having teens in our home and in my life. I loved the opportunities to talk one on one with the girls and let them know that I understood what they were going through. I hated it when they left for college. I miss them.

I say all this, because I realized a few weeks ago that this process has progressed even further. One afternoon I got a frantic phone call from one of my girls. I couldn't make much out at first except "Help...Don't know... Nervous...FREAKING OUT!!!!" I tried to calm her down a bit so I could figure out the issue. It turned out that this young lady had been asked out on her first date! She and this young man had been getting to know each other and he was spending lots of time with her family. The young man had approached the girl's dad and asked for permission to take her out.
"And he said YES?!?!?!" I was shocked.
"I KNOW, RIGHT?!?" She was pretty shocked too.
The dilemma was that she wanted to dress up a little bit, but not too much and she wanted to be cute AND modest. Would I please help???

And that was a turning point. She came down and we went through my closet, we freaked out, we reminisced, she tried on 10 different outfits and we finally came up with something perfect. I still haven't gotten it back yet! lol!
We talked about purity, standards and the future. It was awesome.
It was the kind of relationship I have always wanted to have with the girls but didn't know how to get there.
As I was sending her back down to her house, she asked if I would come down when they were leaving for their date and take a picture. Of course I said yes!!!


I LOVE my ministry! :) It still has rough days and times when I wonder if I am making a difference at all. But God just keeps equipping me and teaching me and making me a more usable vessel. So yeah...I am excited.
The way He works is truly remarkable...

Totally cool, our adventure started when Dawn came over today to see me and gab and visit and such and  she was admiring my newly re-decorated dining room!  A Fabulous friend gave me the benches that now act as Dining Room chairs so my table is more in the corner and out of the way.

Anyways Dawn noticed that my hutch was no longer in the Dining Room and hadn't realized she had walked right past it! It was shoved in the corner between two couches until I could give it away or figure out what to do with it. I just didn't have the room for it. Dawn just looked at it and in a matter of minutes had come up with a plan of how to make it more usable for me! We took a few measurement and then suddenly sprang into action, and pulled off doors, pulled out shelves, moved the piano, stained some wood, found a new shelf, figured out the miles and miles of wire and cord that is our entertainment center and voila!!! (Sorry, bit of a Run-On Sentence!)

Here is the " entertainment center" before...

Soon after, we recruited the help of Dan and Craig to come and help us drill the big holes the wires would all go through and to firmly attach the upper shelf we stained. Thanks guys!!!

And here we go!!! :) I have moved my pictures and shelf from the wall and added my Willow Tree Nativity Scene (because it is just too pretty to only use at Christmas!) on the very top! Everything fit PERFECTLY!!!!


Sooner or later we are going to tackle this puppy again and give it a makeover! Maybe a gray color (or white, or black) with some distressing and an AMAZING wallpaper back??? Totally excited!!! :)

Plus, I now have even more stuff to put out in the Yard Sale I have coming up! I LOVE de-cluttering!!! Who knew???

Now where do I put this piano???? :)

Just the other day I was accused (by others and myself!) of being paranoid and looking at the world through the lens of shame and fear. But the more I think about it and the more research I do, I am deciding that I am NOT paranoid, but am working to break the generational cycles of shame and abuse and I am NOT looking at the world through the lens shame and fear but the lens of experience. 
Experience can be a thorough teacher. In my case it has taught me that enough is enough-I don't want my children caught up in generational sins, experiences and lifestyles that are contrary to God's Word. I want my family and home to be healthy, happy and informed.


Today let's be informed! :) I wanted to share with you some statistics and profiles of abusers so you too can break or prevent cycles of shame and abuse.




Statistics on Abuse:
(Taken from http://www.darkness2light.org/KnowAbout/statistics_2.asp )
The statistics are shocking

• 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18. (96)
• 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18. (96)
• 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet. (30, 87)
• Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under. (76)
• An estimated 39 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse exist in America today.(1)

Even within the walls of their own homes, children are at risk for sexual abuse 

• 30-40% of victims are abused by a family member. (2, 44, 76)
• Another 50% are abused by someone outside of the family whom they know and trust.
• Approximately 40% are abused by older or larger children whom they know. (1, 44)
• Therefore, only 10% are abused by strangers.

Most children don't tell even if they have been asked

• Evidence that a child has been sexually abused is not always obvious, and many children do not report that they have been abused.
• Over 30% of victims never disclose the experience to ANYONE.
• Young victims may not recognize their victimization as sexual abuse.
• Almost 80% initially deny abuse or are tentative in disclosing. Of those who do disclose, approximately 75% disclose accidentally. Additionally, of those who do disclose, more than 20% eventually recant even though the abuse occurred.
• Fabricated sexual abuse reports constitute only 1% to 4% of all reported cases. Of these reports, 75% are falsely reported by adults and 25% are reported by children. Children only fabricate ½% of the time.

Consequences of child sexual abuse begin affecting children and families immediately. They also affect society in innumerable and negative ways. These effects can continue throughout the life of the survivor so the impact on society for just one survivor continues over multiple decades. Try to imagine the impact of 39 million survivors.


Profiles of Abusers:


(taken from http://www.childluresprevention.com/pdf/Profile-of-Molester.pdf )


How do child molesters get into situations where they can exploit children?
Few child molesters are able to resist their powerful urges to initiate contact with children and will go to great
lengths to do so. Common strategies include:
-Befriending parents, particularly single parents, to gain access to their children.
-Offering babysitting services to overextended parents or caregivers.
-Taking jobs and participating in community events that involve children.
-Attending sporting events for children and/or offering to coach children’s sports.
-Volunteering in youth organizations, offering to chaperone overnight trips.
-Loitering in places children frequent - playgrounds, malls, game arcades, etc.
-Spending time in Internet gaming and social communities, learning the online interests and lingo
of youngsters.
-Becoming foster parents.

What is the most common method used by child molesters?
 Most victims of abuse are groomed over a period of weeks, months, or years. The Affection Lure is used both offline and online to seduce unsuspecting youngsters in need of love and attention. Child molesters have repeatedly told me: When there’s a physically or emotionally absent parent in the picture, it makes the child more vulnerable than ever.


Wouldn’t a vigilant parent be able to detect a child molester, just by their actions?

Not necessarily. Remember, sex offenders who prey on children:
-are notoriously friendly, nice, kind, engaging and likeable.
-target their victims, often insinuating themselves into that child’s life - their family, school, house of worship,
-sports, and hobbies.
-are professional con artists and are expert at getting children and families to trust them.
-will smile at you, look you right in the eye and make you believe they are trustworthy.

Also, keep in mind that 23% of all sexual offenders were under the age of 18.
I also learned from the U.S Department of Justice that the overwhelming majority of sexual abuse incidents occur in the home as opposed to a school, store, outside, etc.  (http://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/227763.pdf )

Here is what Dr. Phil says about it: (and I am not saying he is a good source for all your problems, but I agree with him and his research here.) 

(http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/266)
Dr. Frank Lawlis, chairman of the Dr. Phil advisory board and Dr. Phil's mentor, offers some insight into the development of a sexual predator:

"The typical sexual predator is very immature in his or her understanding of intimacy. It is like they really want closeness, but they lack the skills to feel satisfaction and trust. These feelings of frustration erupt into anger many times, and it is in this stage that the individual can become dangerous. Their acts are desperate. They try to find intimacy and caring for themselves, but when they can't find it in appropriate ways, they demand it or find a child who has little resistance," says Dr. Lawlis. "It is common to find parents of sexual predators also weak in skills of affection. Consequently, they cannot train or offer to meet these needs for their child. And then the cycle continues." 

There are some common characteristics of sexual predators. If you're worried your teen may be a sexual predator, look for these warning signs:

Refusal to take responsibility for actions and blames others or circumstances for failures 

A sense of entitlement

Low self-esteem

Need for power and control 

Lack of empathy

Inability to form intimate relationships with adults 

History of abuse

Troubled childhood 

Deviant sexual behavior and attitudes

From the book, Protecting Your Children from Sexual Predators, by Dr. Leigh M. Baker.

Other Tips on Spotting a Sexual Predator:

• Often offend where they won’t get caught — when they have misdirected people’s attention
• Often married or in relationships
• Offend when the victim is handy
• Not always strangers, often family members, family friends and neighbors
• Most attracted to adults
• Good manipulators (seduction is an integral part)
• Overly self-indulgent
• Arrogant
• Sexualize, objectify women
• Users of various kinds of pornography
• Typically known as rationalizers, intellectualizers, justifiers
• Great helpers — are there to lend a helping hand — prey on people in need, when they can insinuate themselves in your life
• Use stressful and vulnerable situations to get in — they find a need they can fill and they use that to get next to the victim

I am linking up again with Miscellany Monday!!! I LOVE reading other's miscellaneous thoughts and happenings! Too fun! 




So anyways, here is a taste of my randomness!! 
1. Where I live, we get some serious monsoon rains and I am in HEAVEN. I LOVE rain. The smell, the look, the way it cleans everything up and makes it greener. I love that it makes our hair soft and the dog fur soft. So amazing!
But lately it has mostly been teasing. BIG beautiful, gray clouds, some lightening and a few sprinkles. SO COOL! But torturous nonetheless. I am still waiting for the daily multiple down-pours of water that usually comes during monsoon season. SO EXCITED! One of the things I love about where I live. :)


2. Last night after church, my sweet boy Van fell out of the Suburban. He has the hardest head I have ever known anyone to have and it HURT. He somehow fell face first even though my brother and I both thought he hit the back of his head. It really looked like it.
Poor baby. He bit his tongue, scraped and bruised up the right side of his face and hit HARD. He was upset for a really long time...I felt SO BAD! I took him home and read online about concussions and symptoms to look out for. I fed him M&Ms (which has NEVER happened before) he got to stay up late with Mommy and watch some Elmo and then Mommy shows. Then he slept in our bed so I could keep an eye on him and wake him up to make sure he was conscious and so on. He is doing better today but looks worse I think. His right eye has gotten really swollen and bruised...I think it is going to be a pretty good shiner. And yes, that is a barrette in his hair to keep his hair out of the goop. Last night when I put this pic on facebook, he kept pointing to it and saying, "Evan, ouch. Evan, owie." And I felt bad all over again. 


3. My middle daughter Harmony hit her private part on a chair this morning. It took me awhile to figure out what she was talking about because she was calling it a "diamond."  ?????  "Mommy, I hurt my diamond!"


I am not sure where she got diamond! lol! I try to teach my kids the proper wordage for their body parts because I heard that pedophiles are less likely to mess with kids that call their anatomy by the proper words because it indicates that the family talks more openly and honestly than others about sexuality, and safety regarding sexuality. But despite my best efforts, my oldest daughter Chastity has always called it a "Gyna." I could spell it with an i, but then it looks exactly like my name. 
Awkward.
 Today though, my oldest daughter was concerned about Harmony's "diamond" and asked about it. Only now Chastity is calling it an "angina." (Isn't that a heart condition????)


Someday maybe they will get it right,  but until then I will be glad that unlike my stinkin' adorable niece, my kids don't call the UPS man, the "penis man." LOL
My sister was getting REALLY concerned who the "penis man" was and then they figured it out...
Sorry if you were offended. ;) 


4. I have been participating in a 30 Days of Music challenge! I did miss yesterday, but today I am on day TEN!!!
Here is the list again in case you want to join in:
day 01 - Your Favorite Song
day 02 - Your Least Favorite Song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds of you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you're angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you're happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you're sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year


Today is, a song that makes me fall asleep...I got nothing.
So  I guess instead I will share a song I sing to my kids at bedtime...I once told the kids that I sang this song to them when they were each in my tummy and now they want to hear it all the time. I do skip the first verse because that is more for teenaged girls than in-utero babies and small children. ;) But he did write this for his teenage daughter so...anyways!


"Fingerprints of God" by Steven Curtis Chapman


chorus:
And I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know it's true
You're a masterpiece that all creation quietly applauds 
And you're covered with the fingerprints of God


verse two:
Never has their been and never again
Will there be another you
Fashioned by God's hand 
And perfectly planned
To be just who you are.
And what He's been creating, 
Since the first beat of your heart
Is a living breathing priceless work of art.



Happy Monday!!! If you want to share your own bit of miscellany, click on the typewriter button above to link up!!!

So today is Day eight of the 30 Days of Music Challenge... the theme today is "a song you know all the words too." I picked this one.
I LOVE Phil Vassar. I LOVE that he writes most of his songs and they have stories behind them. I LOVE that he can play the piano like nobody's business and the piano is heard more than in most other country music.

I LOVE this song. It is seriously in the top ten of my favorite songs. The emotions it emits in me are just crazy. It makes me proud to be an American. It makes me sad for all the loss we have endured through wars and such. It challenges me to be a better American-to not take for granted my freedoms, and to thank God I was born in my country. Love this song...and yes, I know all the words.

Phil Vassar- 'American Child"

Today is Day SEVEN! :)

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event


I guess I should have done yesterday's song about the car accident today...but oh well! I will pick a new even today! 


So today I will use a song my friend Rachel played for our teen girl's on last years Young Ladies Retreat. Our theme last year was "Beautiful Bride" and this song fit in so well with Rachel's lessons on modesty and honoring God in your relationships. 
The video portrays well exactly what goes on in the modeling industry and all the "fake-ness" that entails. :)


LOVE this song!
More Beautiful You by Johnny Diaz

30 Days of Music!!! Today is:

day 06 - a song that reminds of you of somewhere


It has almost been a year since we were in the roll-over accident. Crazy. If you want to read the whole story, go check it out over here: http://heldbythefather.blogspot.com/search/label/car%20accident

But this is the song we were listening to when we wrecked. On highway 87 at mile marker 222 (or 333!)  I always think of this song when we drive by...and then I say another prayer of thanks.